I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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