Yo dont text me then not text me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drake has all the answers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
