I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Less talking, more tequila
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
