You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
