You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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