my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
