why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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