If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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