Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
