Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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