So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
