I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
