My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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