i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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