new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
