i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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