your parents love me but you hate me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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