I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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