wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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