My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
