hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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