There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
