even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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