god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
