ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
