none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
