watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
