Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My balls are so social today.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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