I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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