the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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