I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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