no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
