i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
