Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
