Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
