Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
