i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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