weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
