I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
