You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
