Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
