Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
