Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
