It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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