Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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