would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
