I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
