just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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