3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
