If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
