Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
