week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
