That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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