The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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