What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
