The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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