He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
