is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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