is your mom at the bar?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
