Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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